How Bad Managers Become Great: Lessons I Learned the Hard Way
How does a bad manager become a great manager? How does an unsuccessful manager find the key to being a successful manager? How do you become a leader who can be confident in your own work? The answer is simple – screw up enough so that you know what not to do more than what to do. As long as you keep moving forward and keep aiming to get better after each mistake, eventually you will develop the intuition needed to become a great manager.
I have an incredible imposter syndrome. I feel like I’ve messed up so much in my career that I would never be able to consider myself great. But then I look at my awards and successes and I remember that every lesson I learned came from a failure that had a lesson I was willing to learn. Because I know what ideas will definitely not be successful, I have a better guess as to what really will be successful.
To help you save some time and effort, go ahead and read these stories of how I failed as an effective leader so you can not make my same mistakes.
1. Anger and Impatience
I love the story of Valorie Kondos Field, UCLA hall-of-fame gymnastics coach. She had an approach similar to my own starting out, and we had a similar journey to where we are now. At the beginning of my career, I took my management cues from managers that I had previously had. Monkey see, monkey do. But I hadn’t had great managers. Most of my managers yelled and demanded to get work done and took personally when things didn’t go the way they wanted. I chose to do the same. When things didn’t go my way, I was quick to place blame on anyone else other than myself instead of taking ultimate responsibility for the success or failure of my store. It wasn’t until I took a true ownership of my life and career that I actually found peace in the job. When you expect assistance from others, you will only be met with frustration. When you take responsibility and accept what cannot be changed, you have peace in your life and in your job.
Encourage the crew – don’t be a slave driver maniac.
2. Being everyone’s buddy
During Covid, we were all so short staffed that we had a daily battle to get enough people just to keep the store running, let alone flourish and develop. In order to keep these people, I avoided ever letting them feel upset at the job. If they didn’t want to do a cleaning task, I wouldn’t make them. I showed patience when it came to attendance and tardiness. I liked to get deeply involved in people’s personal lives so that they wouldn’t want to abandon a friend if they quit. That was the wrong move.
All that I was left with was a store that had no leader, or rather, an incredibly weak one. That only made people want to leave and made my job even more difficult. Good employees want a good leader. Create buy-in, not friends. If you are too accommodating with all your employees, they will only grow to take advantage of that, and you will feel betrayed by them when they leave for another job that has structure and direction.
Be friendly, don’t be friends.
3. Hoping for a break
It often helps us to think there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and vacations are a must if we don’t want to truly burn out. But in this industry, we have to expect a 24/7 attention to the job. I’ve spoken in other places about how to succeed in getting away from work, but you focus must be creating a culture where that’s possible, not hoarding free time so you can just mentally manage work when you have to go in.
I used to resent and hate going to work. But because of that, I showed up to work in bad attitudes and took out those frustrations on others. No matter how much I faked being stress-free and in a good mood, my employees could tell that I was angry, and it only gave them permission to be angry. Don’t be hoping for a break or resenting your employees for calling you. You job is to be available, so try to have a genuinely good attitude about helping the store when it’s in need, even if it removes you from your only time off for the week or something that you had been hopeful to experience, like a concert or date. Please note that I underlined, bolded, and italicized the word “genuine”. It doesn’t work if you are faking it. They can tell.
4. Expecting assistance
You may see that these all carry the same theme – responsibility for your work. If you saw that, you’re smarter than the average bear. And I saved the best for last. When you expect assistance from others, whether it be up, down, or sideways, you will not be able to find peace. You must accept that it’s all on you. I used to resent my upper bosses for not “supporting” me enough or my crew for not being “available” enough or working at the intensity that I desired. Don’t expect any help out of anyone. Of course there are expectations of the job – that’s why you have employees in the first place – to help you, but you cannot expect their attention or effort past what they are willing to give. That’s why you motivate and not drive. When you take full responsibility for the success of your store, you realize how your success is truly in your own hands. And when you start creating success instead of hoping for it, you feel so powerful, but it comes first from taking as much responsibility as you can.
I’ve made so many mistakes in life, and at points, it’s easier to make content with my mistakes and my successes. I hope you learn from these stories and avoid falling into the same traps that I once did.
Grab a copy of the same journal I use to keep my mental health in check as a restaurant manager!